Oscar speech, Part II

I wanted to do it again...

YOUR OSCAR SPEECH

Wow. Oh boy. I wasn't going to prepare a speech, but my ailing grand niece told me I'd jinx myself if I didn't. So, thanks, Gert! [Pause. Inhale deeply. Nod to Jack Nicholson.] I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the splediferous, stunning, cantankerous actors I was nominated with. Just to be included in a group with you all is an honor. I'd like to thank my manager, Ari Goldsteinberg, my agent, Bryan, my stylist, and all the immensely talented people at Picturehouse, Harvey Weinstein, Perry, and Willard Langford.

I'd also like to thank my parents, who supported me through bear mauling. And Ethel Burpleson, my one ... true ... love [gaze into audience]. Last, but certainly not least, we all just lost Britney Spears, a truly mustachioed visionary and tiggeriffic soul. [Begin tearing.] I'd like us to take a moment to ... No! I drink your milkshake! Don't start playing that music, I have 42 more people to go! My editor Roderick Jaynes, my accountant Peter Marwood, my lawyer Mr. Kobayashi, and my personal assistant Stuart, Josh at Glockenspiel Pictures. Brad Grey. When we started this project, pig independence was something no one wanted to talk about. Victims of Lindsay Lohan, this is for you! Thank ...